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Monthly Archives: July 2015

How to Keep a Pet

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Step one: Find a spider in a bucket.

Step two: Put the trapped spider in your bug jar.

Step three: Ask nicely to keep the spider as a pet forever and ever.

Step four: Leave the spider in a jar for half a day with a cat tail costume piece for a blanket.

Step five: When you see that the spider has successfully curled up and gone to “sleep”, sing him a special lullaby.

Step six: Sing him a wake up song in the morning.

Step seven: When he doesn’t wake up, jiggle the jar so he looks like he’s moving.

Step eight: Ignore anyone who tells you the spider will never wake up.

Step nine: Hug and love him forever.

Morning Conversations

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Me: Mom, my mind is racing. It’s full with two chicken legs, two monkey arms, two small ears and one alien eyeball. And, hmm… what kind of hair does he have? Elephant hair. My mind just races. It has a car that goes real fast, and I can’t tell any more about it because it races away.

Mom: “Oh really? Where is your mind?”

Me: In my heart.


Not To Be Trifled With

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“I’m not to be trifled with, with this picture.”

What do you Think?

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“Do my eyes look sleepy?”


A Letter

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I got a letter off the table (it might have been mom’s glasses prescription) and I read it aloud. It said:

“Dear Sylvia,
Nothing is possible (impossible) except for you.”

Mom asked who that letter was from and I told her it was from my grandpa. You’d think she needed glasses or something. Can’t she read?

A Serious Question

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“Hannah, I have a serious question.”

Yes Sylvia?

“Are my lips falling off?”

No Sylvia, they’re just fine.

“Ok thanks.”


Doing What’s Best

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“I’m leaving my duck outside. It’s for the best.”